Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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