life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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