TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
