so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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