I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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