using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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