my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
