I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
