dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
