Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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