I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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