Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
