I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
