It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
