As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
