hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
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tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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