This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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