listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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