don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
