my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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