Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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