i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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