Soap is not a condiment
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
