shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize