if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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