K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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