You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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