I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
