im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As shirtless as possible
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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