dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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