Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
time to smoke my breakfast
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
