I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
