Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
