Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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