ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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