I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
