He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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