I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
