well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
