This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
