half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
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well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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