I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think I sprained my soul last night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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