Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
