The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
