So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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