Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
