I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
