i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
