when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
