can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
