SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
