Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
