Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You can't motorboat a personality
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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