I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
