The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
