His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
