Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
