did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They took my balls.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
