I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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